June 19, 2009

How to know if he (or she) is 'the one'

Posted: 09:13 AM ET

So I have to admit that after being with someone for more than three years (or three minutes!) it's hard for most women not to think: "Is he THE ONE?" Even the most sensible, cynical lady dreams of finding forever love. And I have a sneaking suspicion some men just might think the same way.

the one

How do you know if your significant other is right for you? Google search "Is he the one" and you'll come up with more quizzes than the latest edition of Cosmopolitan magazine. A quick survey around my fellow associate producers - four males and one female - provided some interesting insights. One said "she has the right combination of features," which to me sounded more like he was looking for the right smartphone instead of the right mate.

Another male asked, "Well, how do you know if she's number two?" A third said, "I don't know... I've had several 'the ones.'"  The last male in our group, the only one still in a serious relationship, said jokingly, "Your chakras align." Asked to clarify, he admitted that he just knew in his gut with his wife. The lone female spoke up for gooey feelings everywhere: "His hand has to feel right in your hand."

Experts say you should ask yourself a couple of very important questions to determine the answer. Author Susan Swimmer, author of "Is He the One? 101 Questions That Will Lead You To The Truth, Whatever It Is," writes this:

Can you name the parts of you that he finds most beautiful?
If you know right now, without asking, that he loves the small of your back, or the way your belly sort of bulges when you lie on your side, or that your cheeks are the softest part of your face, then he must have told you more than once. And that's a beautiful thing.

She also suggests asking yourself "Do I know how much money he has?" and "Does he wear a seatbelt?" The first one's easy to figure out - you have to have open, honest communication about money in any relationship. But I was confused about the second. Here's what she writes:

Wearing a seatbelt is a tiny gesture that says he cares about himself and his well-being. Like eating vegetables. Or wearing sunscreen. Takes a minute, lasts a lifetime.

Susan Piver, author of "The Hard Questions," asks this in an article on MSN: When you argue, do you worry that things will end? She says that all couple fight, but that only the really tight twosomes duke it out without holding back.

"A lot of duos don't bring up important subjects because they fear it'll damage the relationship. Deep down, they don't trust that their union could withstand real conflict, but testing this assumption is the only way to see what the relationship is really made of."

Another question several experts ask is: Can you reveal your secrets without fear of being judged? "Divulging your most intimate info demonstrates that you can show your true self, and you know it won't affect his attraction to you," explains M. Joann Wright, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Hofstra University in the same MSN article.

Filed under: Living

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About this blog

Clark Howard helps you become a wise consumer. We know you're busy, and that's why Clark's tips are quick and effective. He'll arm you with the information you need to make smart choices. During these tough economic times, Clark wants to help you save more, spend less and avoid getting ripped off!