When a child dies, how do you cope?

When the news broke late Friday that John Travolta and Kelly Preston's son Jett died, I thought of my parents.

My brother Jonathan drowned when I was a baby and he was toddler. Even though I never knew Jon, he remains a part of my life. During bedtime prayers growing up, we always prayed for "big brother Jon up in heaven with Jesus." Every year on Jon's birthday, my dad still gives my mom a single yellow rose. Some 30 years later, my parents still feel the pain of losing their first born in such a tragic way.

My colleague Madison Park spent the morning talking with families and experts about the emotional toll of losing a child. You can read her story here at CNNhealth.com. We've also been touched by the hundreds of people who have shared on iReport their stories of loss. Click here for some of their stories or to share your own story. These stories of love and loss raise many questions. How do you move forward after losing a child? Does joy ever return? I turned to Dr. Michael Jellinek, chief of child psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital for some insight.

1. It can take years for life to get back to normal When you lose a parent or grandparent, Jellinek says the normal grieving process happens within a year. "Those rules go out the window with children," says Jellinek. Grief can last years, especially if there is unresolved grief from childhood or if the person has a history of depression. So how do you know if grief is out of control? Jellinek says you should become concerned if, after some time, there is still a functional impact on the survivors. For example, they never go out to movies or dinner, or if every holiday becomes a tribute to the dead child.

2. Moms and dads grieve differently According to Jellinek, moms tend to talk and think about the death alot. "They tend to keep it quite active in their day-to-day life,” says Jellinek. After a few months, fathers may make themselves busy, taking on a second job or a hobby. Also, other vulnerabilities may surface. If there's a family history of alcohol abuse, a parent who never had a problem before, may become an alcoholic. "I've seen some parents become so depressed that they don't care about living,” says Jellinek. He knows of one woman whose child was critically ill in the hospital. The mom started driving faster and faster to and from the hospital. "She didn't care if she lived or died," he says.

3. The best thing to do is just be there "I think a lot of people try to do too much too early," says Jellinek, "Being there is a lot more important." The best thing you can do, he says is keep the parent company or be helpful by running errands and making meals. Also, don't force parents to talk about their grief. "It becomes intrusive if you do it at the wrong time," he says.

4. Helping others can help with grief Jellinek says it often helps grieving parents to get involved with a charity or a support group that helps other parents in a similar situation. "It's a way of making something positive out of a tragedy," he says.